Saturday, 10 April 2010

Feeling out of control

I have decided to blog this to try and get my thoughts together. Over the last week or so, since the school holidays started, I have been out of control with my eating and particularly my drinking. It's always been a bit like that with me, as most of my friends know, but this is getting serious. It's come to a head today because I have totally shot myself in the foot. I had a candlelit dinner with Dave planned for tonight, the food was chosen and bought, and I really enjoyed it when we did this last weekend.

But then at lunch my sister-in-law wanted a glass of wine and I didn't fancy red so I opened a bottle of Cava, thinking I could finish it this evening with our dinner. In true alcoholic fashion, the bottle was finished off by me and my SIL at lunch and then I spent the afternoon drinking cocktails with Dave and by the time it came to the evening, I was tired and headachey. That was the end of our evening plans.

So in the end, we ate our carefully planned food in front of the TV and I have gone up to bed with my knitting feeling really cross with myself.

I have put a bit of weight on since Xmas which isn't a problem in itself, but it's another sign that I am not in control of what I am consuming. So, I have to stop this but how? I'm not into the rules and new starts and strict regimes that I thought used to 'work' for me, so how do I start getting myself back on the rails? I don't think that going back to the BC daily blog is going to help - it's gone a bit beyond that. I think I need to ask myself not to drink any alcohol for a few days and see where it takes me.

The silly thing is, I am enjoying my knitting so much at the moment that I can quite happily focus on that rather than the booze. And the project I am most enjoying I can't do when I have had a drink because it's too difficult to take it back if I make a mistake. So it's in my own best interest on the night not to drink, so I am shooting myself in the foot again. I am running out of feet.

I think there might be something more to this. After all, it's spring which is my favourite time of the year, the sun has been shining, I have enjoyed being outdoors, I am getting more personal fulfilment from my work and my knitting/crochet than I could have imagined 12 months ago, our finances are good and we are considering some really exciting changes to the house, and yet I am struggling emotionally. What is going on?

Well if anyone has any ideas, please feel free to comment but in the meantime, I will probably share my continued angst with you all until it eases.


  1. Speaking for myself, sometimes it's scary/ boring when things are going well. I can still remember my shock when I DIDN'T get the baby blues after my third boy was born - I am so used to dealing with and building my life around emotional ups and downs that stability is a destablising experience!

  2. That's really interesting stroppybrunette. I too was waiting for the emotional dip after my 3rd baby was born, and it never came. (Well, not until she was a year old, anyway!) I wonder if that is a factor - the better things get in other areas of my life, the worse my mental state got. I think I have turned it around now but I must reflect on what you have said. Thank you.